New York, New York
I’ve always had a hard time making, and keeping, girlfriends. One of my biggest childhood wounds is related to female abandonment so I have a tendency to push women away; to be the first to create a problem, to separate myself or deem people not good enough. I have a lot of good friends but my real, true, best girlfriends I can count on one hand. One lives in Sweden. One, the US. The other one, Costa Rica. One is in the UK. One in Belgium. Ok, maybe two or three are in Sweden when I think about it. And there is @ahlaluna of course but she died and for a while I thought maybe I’d die with her. The girls I can count on one hand today are the ones that got me through it and made sure I’m here today.
Maybe... I have more girlfriends than I think I do. @bluewaterlove is here in NYC with me now and it’s so fucking beautiful to be reminded of friendship and what it feels like when it’s genuine. We don’t see each other that often. We don’t talk every day. But she flies in from Savannah to be with me for one single day and we hug and immediately I want to punch her a little because she annoys me in the best possible way. I love her so fucking much. There are no conditions to this friendship. I can be who I am. She makes fun of me a lot. Calls me out on my shit. Rolls her eyes if I ever get too full of myself. She’s excited to assist my class tomorrow but keeps asking why the hell this many people would want to come practice yoga with me (do they know we’re total weirdos and just here trying to figure life out, just like the rest of the world?) and right now she’s asleep and even though we have two rooms she dragged her stuff across the hall so we could share a bed because it felt weird to be apart.
I’m not sure what my point is with sharing this post but I want to remind myself that no matter how separate I feel... I’m actually never alone.💛 .
#BFF #girlfriend #girlfriends #friendship #gratitude #thankful #friend #bestie #sisterhood #sisters #community #love
14 Jul 2018